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I got kicked out of my Community Theater group when the director asked to see me limp. How was I to know he was talking about walking??
I like the parts of the day when food happens.
When you are dead, you do not know you are dead. It`s only painful and difficult for others. The same applies when you are stupid.
Mistakes married men make: 1. Doing things. 2. Not doing things. 3. Thinking about doing things. 4. Not thinking about doing things.
If you’re gonna keep being so attractive, I’m gonna need you to make out with me.
If Jesus is the reason for the season.......why is the church parking lot empty and Wal Marts is full?
The only thing I love more than an open mind is an open bar.
When your boss says "You need help", he never means a hitman.
Meanwhile on Facebook someone has made a casserole
Just took the batteries out of my smoke detector to use in my TV remote control. Dont judge me .. It´s Sunday.
Is it weird that I`m 43 years old and have a secret handshake with 3 adults.....and my dog?
I google myself sometimes just to know what the hell I`m up to. ;)
New philosophy on life: Do unto others, then run like hell.
I’m so glad I was young and stupid before there were camera phones.
Technically, every picture is a before picture.