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Pretty fed up with the fact that pandemonium almost NEVER involves pandas.
What is the difference between a trapeze artist and a supermodel?. The trapeze artist has a cunning stunt.
SCIENCE FACT: If you close your eyes, you won`t be able to see.
Wow!!, What a day..I volunteered at a soup kitchen, mowed my lawn, went to 2 Birthday parties, ran 6 miles, then told a bunch of lies on Facebook.
"You`re as crazy as your mother" is the last thing I remember saying before waking up in intensive care
A good example of mixed emotions would be finding a hundred dollar bill nailed to your tire.
The problem is I have just enough money to get into trouble but not enough to make bail.
"I like your tree`s earring." ... "That`s a tire swing."
My New Years Resolution is to be more positive and less sarcastic...I wonder how long this bull$hit fantasy will last.
I don`t care how old I am, if I go out to eat and there are crayons and paper place mats with puzzles...GAME ON!!
I`m great at making pancakes and women uncomfortable.
Do me a favor if someone tells you they don`t like me , tell them I don`t like them either.
Nice try, Henry Winkler, but I’m not inclined to take mortgage advice from a guy who lived above the Cunningham’s garage for like ten years.
If turning alcohol into bad decisions ever becomes an Olympic event, I`m bringin` home the Gold! USA! USA!
I see dead people. Well technically they`re stupid people, but give me a few minutes