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A Lion would never cheat on his wife.. but a Tiger wood.
Stop everything you’re doing. Think about me. You’re welcome.
I love long walks on the beach under the moonlight, poetry, candlelight dinners, and having my a$$ spanked with a fuzzy slipper.
Taco Bell drive-thru should have a “I’m Feeling Lucky” button.
Warranty – A notice telling the buyer when the product that was just purchased will no longer function.
Sorry, I can`t hangout. My uncle`s cousin`s sister in law`s best friend`s insurance agent`s roommate`s pet goldfish drowned. It was tragic.
You are the pebble in my shoe of people
When I`m in an elevator with a stranger I generally hold their hand to let them know that they`re safe
Long busy day, I need one of those hugs that turns into sex.
For all the parents with kids starting school I just want to say congratulations. You made it through another summer without killing your children!! I am proud of you all!!
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming... 1. Whenever you`re wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you`re right, shut up.
If you`re not the lead dog, the scenery never changes!
Still waiting on the "Once you go black, you`ll never go back" episode of Mythbusters.
Why is it called Boob Sweat and not Humiditties?
I’ve thought about it, and there still is no good reason for me to grow up.