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Do you ever wish you were a monkey? Then if you got mad at someone, you could just fling your poo at them. Problem solved.
Easy baked macaroni and cheese recipe: Boil macaroni in water.... follow the rest of the instructions on box. TADA!
Just slung my bra off & threw it to the other side of the couch where there are already 2 other bras. If my math is right, it`s Wednesday.
That awkward moment when you get in the van... And there`s no candy.
Dear Santa: My sister is the "naughty" one ... trust me.
No matter how busy a guy is, he can always take out a moment from his busy life to just stop and stare at a beautiful girl.
I thought I wanted to get married again. Then I laughed and remembered why I shouldn`t think.
You should see the sh!t I don`t post.
Dating a single mother is like pressing continue on some one elses saved game
Girlfriend: You`re acting like a little kid. Me: What do mean, little kids can`t drink.
There`s nothing more terrifying than accidentally making eye contact with a mall kiosk worker.
I have to be funny because being hot is not an option.
Facebook is like a nude beach. Everybody lets everything hang out, and you really don`t want to see a lot of it...
So who the hell ever buys the middle grade of gasoline?
I really think my life would be a lot better if my fitness app would just lower its standards