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I always laugh at myself. If I didn´t, everyone else would be having fun without me.
If you`re going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.
If going to church has taught me anything, it is that Catholics hate unexpected pterodactyl impressions.
Blessed are they who can just read it and move on.
I don`t want to set the world on fire........just you.
My "check engine" light came on while driving to work this morning. I looked and the engine is still there...silly light.
I don`t always get to drink free beer... But I just happen to know my neighbor went to the night shift, and I saw him filling his fridge today.
I spend so much time on the internet, that the priest pronounced us husband and wi-fi.
May all of us be as good looking/ beautiful as we look on our FB profile pic..
I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
You never know how dirty a song’s lyrics are…until you hear a child sing them.
I only get religious when scratching off lottery tickets.
What idiot named them jet skis instead of boatercycles
If I had a crystal ball to see 5 years in the future, I would have 2020 vision.
It`s spooky how many kids look like their owners.