Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
While everyone may not speak the same language, we all know what time McDonald`s stops serving breakfast.
I don`t mind helping people as long as I`m not slightly inconvenienced.
Girls say they want a guy who is funny and spontaneous but when I tap on the window at night dressed as a clown it’s all panic and screaming.
Sorry I called the police when I saw you running, I didn`t know you did that for fun.
Divorce is expensive because its worth it.
I`m now at the age where if I see a nice nursing home, I make a mental note of it.
Right before I die, my last words will be, "I left a million dollars in the........
GF: "You`re cute when you`re drunk" Me: "You`re cute when I`m drunk too"
I love a woman in uniform. I mean naked.
Why Am I Sober? - A Horror Story
All of my selfies are just still shots from surveillance footage.
If I get an e-mail from you that says "Sent from my Blackberry" at the bottom, please understand that I`m not going to respond. I can only assume that you sent it in 2006.
The hardest part of carving a pumpkin nowadays is finding some newspaper to spread
In "I am Legend" Will Smith lives alone for years. But then 24hrs after a woman shows up, he dies.....AND she stole his bacon
I really would love to see two mimes arguing