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Change of plans everyone: NOBODY Wang Chung tonight.
Friends are like orgasms... nobody wants the fake ones.
Maybe Voldemort`s face is flat because he ran into the wrong wall at the train station.
I just started dating a homeless girl and it`s great! When I take her home, I can drop her off anywhere I want.
Break the ice in a crowded elevator by asking how much everyone weighs.
Why do people have to get ready for bed? I`m always ready for bed.
Is snaxting a thing? Texting each other pics of your snacks? Cause I feel like Iād be pretty good at that.
Hot singles in your area are dating each other while you sit alone staring at your phone.
They told me to never give up. Now they call me a stalker.
Two can play that game...` -people who dont understand that`s how games usually work
All these women on the 48 dating sites I`ve joined, seem so f*cking sad and desperate.
āI saw that.ā -Karma
I`m a nonviolent person until I see a spider. Then I turn into Al Capone and "I want him DEAD! I want his family DEAD! I want his house burned to the GROUND!
I`ve been single for a while and I have to say, it`s going very well. Like... It`s working out. I think I`m the one.
The Titanic is a great lesson of why just the tip can get you in a lot of trouble.