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It must be really hard to judge a wet t-shirt contest because I saw one recently and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
Coffee is gods way of saying "go ahead get trashed on a weeknight, I`ve got your back"
I just made a voodoo doll of myself. Can someone take it to the gym?
People that chew gum and drink alcohol what the f*ck is wrong with you.
Music that is meant to be played at a reasonable volume is completely pointless.
I wonder if the Ziploc bag company secretly lobbies to keep marijuana illegal.
If you were a Pokemon, I`d choose you.
Due to the weather, I was able to use the words "wet and slippery" at work all day without anyone thinking I`m a big perv.
If you think about it,, Batman was pretty lazy about naming all his stuff.
Alcohol increases the Send Button size by 89%.
Never believe a person who claims is telling the truth while holding a pack of beers in both their hands
So Apple is gonna buy Beats by Dr. Dre... I guess "an apple a day keeps the doctor away" doesn`t apply to technology?
The secret of enjoying a good wine: 1) Open the bottle to allow it to breathe. 2) if it does not look like it`s breathing give it mouth-to_mouth
Let’s have a moment of silence for all these guys that tried to walk across power lines but fell because someone tied their shoes together.
Backseat drivers are the worst. They`re always like "the light is red!" and "don`t text and drive!" and "oh god, I think that was a person!"