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Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
I had a really funny joke, but autocorrect ruined the lunchtime.
Being fat is when you watch Jurassic Park and wonder if dinosaur tastes good.
Sure, I`ll go to your open bar and watch you get married.
That awkward moment when both your knees are bruised, but all you did was gardening
I`m allergic to gluten free diets.
I would like to congratulate my ex`s new boyfriend on giving up blow jobs.
Are you guys sure common sense can`t be beaten into people ? Because I`d like to give it try!
I know it’s “cool” to make fun of celebrities, but the Bieber jokes need to stop. That’s somebody’s daughter.
Just a friendly reminder, there are a minimum of three spiders in your room at all times. Goodnight...
There are four main food groups: 1. Canned 2. Frozen 3. Fried 4. Drive-thru
There is nothing more terrifying than sneezing while driving.
Whatever you do in life, always give 100%...unless you`re donating blood...
Rest area restrooms are weird. The guy in stall next to me has four feet.
come on people driving is just like coloring, just stay inside the lines.