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My first mistake was thinking she couldn`t hit a moving target.
This earthquake was the first time that I`ve ever said, "it was 4.7, but felt bigger."
Don´t wait for the perfect moment. Take the moment and make it perfect.
I just came online to check the weather. That was 12 years ago.
Are the unmarried employees at Kraft known as the Kraft Singles?
If you want to have fun with your kids, tell them the teacher called, then ask if there is something they need to tell you.
When I count calories it involves a bunch of multiplication.
I`m at my most popular when I just want to be alone.
I wish there was a reality show where people learned grammar.
Note to self: stop buying stuff on Ebay when drunk. Anyone need a zamboni?
Just got back from the car dealership and long story short, I`m now the proud owner of a giant circus tent.
Pretty sure I know what my wife`s getting me for my birthday cause when I guessed, "A 3-way?" she got all angry like I ruined the surprise.
I`m not the kind of guy to distance himself from anything... Far from it.
I pulled my wife`s panties to the side.......then put the rest of her socks in the drawer.
I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and crap a better status than yours!