Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My next relationship will be with someone who thinks "Wine" is a perfectly acceptable answer when he asks what`s for dinner.
Never buy the first round cause that`s when people care what they`re drinking!
Whenever I see a hot girl on the streets I`m like HOLY CRAP I`M OUTSIDE.
I hate when I`m on Facebook and I`m rudly interrupted by a jogger bouncing off my windshield
I hate it when Hippos fall on me when walking home from school... :D
Today`s interpretive dance was brought to you by "Spider On My Shirt". Up next we have "Oh jeeze, where did it go?!"
A guy knocked on my door asking for a small donation for the local pool, so I gave him a glass of water.
I need a "previously on your life" recap for the things I didn`t pay attention to.
People ask me why I don`t have any tattoos and I respond with, would you put a bumper sticker on a Ferrari?
As I slowly ran my finger down her G string I thought to myself, this is a nice guitar.
I´m not insensitive, I just don´t care.
I`m surprised people still ask me if I want to hold their baby given the number of times I`ve dropped and shattered my phone
If you are not sweating while doing it...then you are doing it wrong.
Never change. Unless you’re an a$$hole. Then you should probably change a little.
Taco Tuesday sends a terrible message to our nation`s children. They need to know that tacos are always an option no matter what day it is.