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I may not look good naked, but I`m a beautiful person on the insi.... Hahahaha just kidding I look great naked
I used to have a tremendous sex drive. My girlfriend lived 150 miles away
Oh look, it`s raining outside. I think I`ll go on Facebook and update all my friends that don`t have a window of their own.
I believe in love at first episode.
I dont want to sound like a badass or anything but I play Wii without the wrist strap on....
Don’t underestimate my ability to be hungry.
When I squeeze a tube of `whitening toothpaste` and it’s blue, I’m like, well this is off to a bad start.
A mouse trap, placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.
Don’t judge someone because they sin differently than you.
My apartment is so dirty that I actually lost my last girlfriend to the 5 second rule.
My right thumb is in the best shape of my life.
If you have alphabet fridge magnets, and morals. You probably shouldn`t invite me over.
My decision making skills closely resemble that of a squirrel when crossing the street.
I assume that a Columbus Day sale means I can just walk into a store and take whatever I want.
I`m broker than the Tooth Fairy in a house full of Meth addicts.