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Why does the need to pee intensify by million when you are trying to unlock the door to your house.
Difference between men and women: Women can change their mind whenever they want. Men can change their mind whenever the woman wants.
Gray hair is the human body`s equivalent of low toner.
The best thing about humans is that many of the richest and most prosperous among us collect bottles of rotten grape juice.
Life is like a box of chocolates. They never last as long for fat people.
I was going to LIKE and compliment your FB pic, but I`m not a good liar.
OMG, you`re huge! There`s no way you`ll fit inside me.- My clothes probably.
I was about to do something awesome, again, but I told myself “Enough is enough, that’s plenty of awesome for one day”
Just spent 20 minutes on the treadmill without breaking into a sweat......tomorrow I might even switch it on!
It doesn`t matter if you don`t like my personality... I have several more!
As soon as you think “maybe I can get up early and just finish it tomorrow” you’ve already lost.
FYI, Target does not give prizes, no matter how many bullseyes you hit in the store with a paintball gun
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance... The five stages of waking up.
The real plot hole in Cinderella was that if everything disappeared at midnight why did the shoe stay?
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.