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Just found some old sex coupons I got from an ex for my b-day. Any of you ladies take competitor`s coupons?
If you make something easier for yourself they call you lazy. If you make something easier for everyone else they call you a genius.
Just been informed that my spirit animal is Eeyore.
Forget resolutions, Imma just say from now on... TGIS "Thank God I Survived" ! :)
It deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer are in the rghit pcale. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a pobelrm. Tihs is buseace the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Tihs wulod not be psibsole if yuor sutipd. I hpoe for yuor skae you wree albe to raed tihs or taht maens yuor an idoit or barin dmagaed.
Find someone who is honest, laughs when you make fun of them, and then give each other orgasms.
I never met a teenager driving a luxury car that I didn’t hate.
There is no one more trustworthy than Clark Kent`s dry cleaner.
It`s damn funny when a wife think`s she`s punishing her husband by not talking to him for days..
When I die I`m going to go to heaven and God is going to be like nope, remember what you said on Facebook
I`m starting to think I overuse exclamation points. It ends today. Right now. I`ll never ever use one again. I`m so excited about it. Yes.
Kinda funny how the Mayans said we were all gonna die in 2012, but they all disappeared way before us.
I recently added squats to my workouts by moving the beer into the bottom shelf of the fridge.
You bring a baby monitor to the bar one time and everyone freaks out.