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My tombstone will read I should have googled it first.
I used to be a camera man in the porn industry but it became too hard...
People don`t want the ugly truth, they would prefer a beautiful lie.
Starting tomorrow, whatever life throws at me, I`m ducking so it hits someone else!
As often as I lose lighters and sunglasses, it`s a good thing I never had kids. Or did I?
When sliding down the banister of life, always make sure that the end is knob free!
Horoscope: Slightly fatter than you were yesterday
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man
The bears had it right choosing to hibernate all winter.
Arguing over a girl`s bust size is like choosing between Molson, Heineken, Coors or Budweiser -- Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.
I just ate 3 whole chickens ... they were hard boiled.
I used to play sports. Then realized you can buy trophies. Now I´m good at everything.
I wish I had Dora`s mom and dad, they let that girl go everywhere.
Apparently I`d rather debate in my mind whether or not to get up and pee than sleep.
I have noticed that everyone who is for abortion, has already been born.