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McDonald’s steps 1) Get really excited about it 2) Eat it 3) Regret eating it 4) Wish you were dead 5) Repeat in a few months
I was fighting with this gal over who is lazier. I let her win.
I just can`t seem to get a girlfriend even though I can speak two languages fluently. English and Klingon.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is you are stupid and make bad decisions.
I`m not a psychologist,,, but I remember when a Hot Wheels track magically cured 80% of ADHD
Debt doesn`t buy happiness either.
I can totally relate to cranky elderly people. I mean you can only be nice for so long!
Damn your Hott!...........................Freaking Sun! lmao =P
If I tell you I can`t text you because I`m driving it`s only because I`m also eating.
How did the inventor of the clock know what time it was?
The only thing worse than having a song stuck in your head for an entire day is not knowing the name of the song.
75% of my day consists of looking at the clock and not believing it
Of course I like you, I gave you that roofie didn`t I?
Somebody needs to teach opportunity how to use a doorbell.
It’s a holiday. You know what that means… Ten million status updates saying the exact same thing. Get ready.