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I just found out cock fighting is done with roosters and now it feels like this 6 months of training has been wasted.
New Years Eve. It takes 24,367 bolts to put a car together and only 1 nut to spread it all over the road, please don`t drink and drive and become the nut
It`s actually pretty impressive how many poor decisions I can fit in a day.
Can’t find your children? Try turning off the wifi. They appear suddenly.
is in no shape to exercise
i love you with all my butt. i would say heart but my butt is bigger :)
Why isn’t our beer color coordinated for all holiday occasions, instead of just St. Patricks Day?
The best way to a woman`s heart is by saying three words - You lost weight.
When a girl tells you that she just had her period, you are officially in the friendzone.
Someone’s going to ruin things; it might as well be me.
I have decided to leave my past behind me.. so If I owe you money..I’m sorry. but I’ve moved on.
I am now convinced that the homeless people have all of the shopping carts that do not have the wobbly wheels.
Thanksgiving is a great time to test the boundaries of how drunk you can get before your family members notice.
I’m glad I’m me, I don’t think anybody else could take it.
Every time I make plans to eat better I can hear my stomach laughing