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You wouldn`t believe all the cool stuff I find when I`m under my bed playing.
So if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the “Jags” and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the “Bucs,” what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
Knowing sign language is a handy skill when it comes to identifying schizophrenics at famous people`s funerals.
I am not the same person at 8am and 8pm.
I know they didn`t ask for it, but I sent a stool sample in with my tax returns.
Dear life, I`ve had enough bullsh!t to last a while. Can we take a little break please.
You know that 200-foot high expansion bridge you drove over today? Just remember that it was built by the lowest bidder.
My life is a result of "it seemed like a good idea at the time."
Apparently saying, "You mad, bro?" is frowned upon if you work in customer service.
If I had a dollar for every time someone has told me to "grow up," I could probably afford a whole arsenal of Super Soakers.
I made you a cake. I also ate it for you.
Secret Web Cam Test: Please nod your head yes if you can read this.
Dr. Oz says having 1/2 hour of sex is equivalent to running 6 miles. I guess I`m going to the gym today.
A police officer just knocked on my door to tell me my dogs were chasing kids down the road on bikes.. Umm.. My dogs don`t even own bikes?
I lost my ladder when I was very young but I was fortunate to have such a great step-ladder to raise me ...anytime I couldn`t reach anything