Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
liquor stores should sell Shamwows.. I bet they would conquer any challenge alcohol can conjure up. spills.. puke.. all kinds of messes.
Whenever I`m on the phone with someone I like to scream "WAIT DON`T HANG UP" right as they`re hanging up & then not answer when they call back.
If we learned anything from the Mayans, it’s that if you don’t finish something, it’s not the end of the world
Sometimes, I like to stalk random strangers vacation pic`s, and tag myself as one of the people in the background just for laughs.
Why doesn’t The Rock just tell us what he’s cooking? I can’t pair wines like this.
I’m offering a $1000 reward to anyone who brings me $1000 and a taco.
when i was little my dad told me that the icecream man only played music when he ran out of icecream well played dad well played
I hate it when people like their own statuses * At this point you like your status for dramatic effect*
You can tell Monopoly is an old game because there’s a luxury tax and rich people can go to jail.
Sorry I said "What is it?" when you showed me your baby.
Can you imagine being cryogenically frozen and waking up 100 years later? Your hairstyle would be so outdated, how embarrassing.
I don`t hate you, but I hope you fall in love and get married.
It`s called NASCAR because that`s the way a hillbilly pronounces "nice car"
I thought we had something. You met my family, made me dinner, called me honey. Now suddenly you’re a “waitress” who was “doing her job?”
Alright, I give up! I`ve listened to the song like 50 times now, and I still don`t know what the fox is saying!