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Your baby looks the same as it did yesterday. Me, commenting on a Facebook picture.
Didja ever get to know someone so well, that you wish you didn`t know them at all????
Ah Friday my second favorite F Word
If you give me a phone number or directions while I`m on the phone with you, just know that I`m using my very best finger pen and air paper.
I find it ironic that it takes 12 steps to get a beer out of my fridge.
I ran out of coffee this morning, whisky seemed like an acceptable replacement. Everyone is so pretty today.
I got a letter from my crush on Valentine`s Day. Well, technically it`s a restraining order but still....
Nothing f*cks up your Friday like realizing that it’s only Thursday.
I`m not saying not to trust the Internet, but there is an alarming discrepancy between the number of iPads I`ve won and the number of iPads I own.
I`ll do whatever it takes to be the mistake you can`t live without
I`m just doing what the beer tells me to.
I wonder if dogs ever wake up in the morning and think "dear god please don`t take me jogging with you today"?
Wisdom for the day is , hot cheetos are not breakfast.
If a lesbian c*ckblocks another lesbian, is that considered a beaver dam?
One of the saddest days of my life was when I heard that bears sleep for half the year and I realized I had been born the wrong species