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I bet Miley Cyrus is eating Twerky right now.
Got a problem with me? I’m pretty sure a status on Facebook won’t fix it.
Dear Friday, I`m ready !!!
When I get home the first thing I`m going to do is rip my wife`s panties off. Because they`re too small and the elastic is killing me.
Step 1: Remove food from packaging. Step 2: Throw out packaging Step. 3: Dig packaging out of trash to locate cook time, Repeat steps 2 & 3 as necessary
Guys are like bears, if you lay very still they’ll paw at you a bit then give up and go look for food.
The leading cause of divorce ? ... marriage
It´s Friday!! yea! Oh sorry, I was just practicing.
Apologising does not mean you are wrong and the other person is right, it just means you value your relationship more than your ego.
If your neighbor has wind chimes, you have wind chimes.
Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
Teacher: what comes after 69. Little Johnny: Mouthwash. Teacher: Get out!!!
Family and Friends - I am FAR too busy to listen to any of your problems or concerns *Googles do penguins go to heaven?*
can´t find Sesame Street on my GPS. Can you tell me how to get there?
It`s called NASCAR because that`s the way a hillbilly pronounces "nice car"