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Hey Samsung and Apple, no need for commercials. We’ve all chosen sides.
Son: "Dad, can you write in the dark?" Dad: "Uh, I think so, why?" Son: "I need you to sign my report card."
You know what`s more miraculous than a video with a million view but no dislikes on YouTube? The detention sheet empty for my class.
Happiness, is just a liquor store away.
I feel like water solves all problems. Wanna lose weight? drink water .. clear face ? Drink water.. Tired of your better half? Drown them
We`re all mature until someone pulls out bubble wrap.
You know you`re broke when your bank flags deposits as suspicious activity.
I have a fear of speed bumps, but I`m slowly getting over it.
I don’t have a bad handwriting, I have my own font.
We must STOP the driver of that bus that everyone keeps getting thrown under!
HR and I apparently disagree on what "debriefed" means.
*spits out animal cracker* This doesn`t even taste like hippo.
Never date someone that works for your cell phone provider. Just sayin
you know hes a keeper when you know his facebook login and password!
You say hangover. I say out of booze.