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Ain’t no sandwich when she’s gone.
Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
I wouldn’t have to manage my anger, if people could learn to manage their stupidity.
STEP 1: Sign up for email newsletter STEP 2: Receive email newsletter STEP 3: Delete unread email newsletter for the rest of your life.
Calling someone with glasses “four eyes” isn’t an insult. Know what else has four eyes? Two sharks. Now you feel stupid.
Let`s lay in bed all day & trade sexual favors for trips to the fridge
Having a toddler is like harboring a bipolar, schizophrenic, incontinent, adorable, tiny dictator.
To those of you who received a book from me as a Christmas present: just to let you know that they are due back at the library tomorrow.
Dropping a can of soda and sticking it back in the fridge all shaken up for the next person to open is not as funny when you live by yourself.
A lot of people cry when they chop onions. The trick is not to form an emotional bond.
Why does Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell insurance. Is there something dirty about insurance we should know about?
This fly in my car is going to be very disappointed when it ends up at Walmart.
I`m not perfect, but I`m the best me there is or ever will be.
Dear Boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought I’d take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, your Girlfriend.
How many servings of fruit are in a fruit roll up? I`m trying to take my diet seriously now.