Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, & nothing but the truth" ... I choose dare, your honor
9 out of 10 husbands agree that their wives are always right. The 10th one hasn`t been seen since the study was conducted.
Drinking lots of beer and doing my taxes. So far the Government owes me 3.1 million. I love this Country!
Valentines Day is the only day of the year that the guy with the smallest package gets the girl.
I smoked weed once and realized spoons are just little bowls on sticks
I just started dating a homeless girl and it`s great! When I take her home, I can drop her off anywhere I want.
Don’t ask me to kill a spider for you & then criticize my methods. Yes, I had to use a samurai sword, & no, I’m not sorry about your table.
The next person I hear say “I love fall” is getting choked out with a scarf soaked in pumpkin spice latte.
In a perfect world Taco Bell would deliver...
Found out today your supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, not a jelly stain. Sorry lady at waffle house....just trying to help.
My toddler gets pretty impatient with me for someone who takes 45 minutes to eat an egg.
An egg salad is really just a chicken salad that is really underdone.
Fun Game: Walk down a hallway with both arms outstretched to the walls while shouting, "Hug me or turn around!!!"
“My phone’s about to die.” is what I say 30 seconds into every phone call. Just in case!
I don’t know how your day is going, but I just got lucky on the couch! Yep, I found a dollar!