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Let me be clear, I don`t want to die alone. However I want to be left completely alone until that moment
“Nevermind.” Translation: You should’ve listened the first time.
is in no shape to exercise
Facebook is basically just you having a conversation with yourself hoping that someone else will join in.
Thank you for informing me that you have a stick figure family of 6 and a dog. Your minivan had me under the impression that you were wild and single.
I gave my dog a middle name today, so he knows when he`s really in trouble.
I was bored of doing the same thing day in and day out,so I phoned the "Local Ramblers Club"....but the guy on the other end of the phone just went on and on and on!
There are three kinds of people: Those who totally agree with my messages, those who kind of agree with me, and those locked in the trunk of my car.
I need a Shazam app for people I`m supposed to recognize but can`t remember
When a girl tells you that she just had her period, you are officially in the friendzone.
Coffee is just a hug for your insides.
Lame! I was tricked into watching PS, I Love You! It`s definitely NOT about a guy that marries his PlayStation.
Why is there an eject button on the DVD remote? You still have to get up & take the disc out. It`s like having a remote to open the fridge.
Having a dirty mind makes simple conversation much more exciting!
I like to walk up to strangers and ask, "Would you take a photo of me?" If they say yes I hand them a photo of me and walk away.