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I know it’s 3 meals a day, but how many should I eat at night?
Hair growing from my ears and nostrils doesn`t mean I`m getting old, right? Means I`m turning into a werewolf! Right?
All things being considered......half of your friends are below average.
I wonder how many strangers have stories about me.
Meant to tell my kid "Good night, I love you," but it came out as "Thank god you go back to school tomorrow because this is bullsh!t"
Hey dumb a$$. Not everything I post pertains to you. Just the stuff that starts with Hey dumb a$$.
I don`t understand those couples that fight and a minute later change their facebook status to "single." I fight with my parents but you don`t see me change my status to "orphan."
I automatically classify anything over $5 as expensive.
LIFE always offers you a second chance,its called TOMORROW
Before I lose my phone, end up naked, drunk and/or possibly arrested, I would like to wish you all a Happy Independence Day.
She’s thinking about having beer pong at her reception… that’s walking a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Seriously, dude...Is there a name for what`s wrong with you?
If you were dating an FBI agent and you broke up, they would be your fed ex.
I like to skip when I`m carrying my flamethrower cause no one ever suspects a skipping girl of starting fires.
awesome collection!