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If I could choose any one mythological creature to become alive & real, I`d have to pick: My girlfriend.
My girlfriend says I talk while I sleep... but I`m skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
It only takes a second to show a person how much you feel about them. The police call it indecent exposure, but whatever...
Note to Self: Next time I leave my wife a message that I`m in a threesome all afternoon, specify it`s golf.
I can`t believe I was late for work tomorrow..
I recently added squats to my daily workout routine and I did so by moving my beer to the bottom shelf in my refrigerator.
Cop: Are you on drugs? Me: Why would I sit on drugs? Cop: Have you taken any? Me: Taken them where? Cop: I meant used drugs Me: I prefer new
Can you imagine the reaction 20 years ago if you showed people a photo album filled with pictures you took of yourself in the bathroom?
I`ve come to the point where I don`t even procrastinate anymore ... I just don`t do it.
Just because I don’t like you doesn’t mean I don’t want you to like me.- Most Girls
Happy 15th birthday google, 3 more years and you will be able to search for adult sites legally
I do this thing called "Whatever The F*ck I Want".
thinks it`ll just be my luck to win the Lottery tonight ...... and the world WILL end tomorrow!
After socializing and being nice to people all day it`s nice to sit down, drink by myself, and be an a$$hole on the Internet.
The older I get, the more I understand someone`s desire to just say-"F*ck it. I`m going to be drunk all the time & live under this bridge."