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Her: Do I look fat? Him: Do I look stupid?...
My girlfriend thinks I`m a stalker. ..well, she`s not exactly my girlfriend yet..
for some reason my plans to workout never work out
I am tired of men complaining about women complaining about men complaining about women
I imagine a world where whining on Facebook is illegal.
All these people are talking about finding Jesus, finding love, finding themselves... I`m like I found 63 cents and four Fritos in the couch!
they say winning doesnt matter then why they had kept scores
That awkward moment when u start telling a story only to realise no one is listening so you slowly fade out and pretend to have said nothing.
I don`t think my neighbor knows my rule about not interacting unless we`re both pointing at the same tornado.
Not sure yet why this cookie dough has baking instructions on the package.
I`m not leaving here without some kind of balloon
Please tell me I’m not the only one who opens up their Hershey Kisses ever so gently so that the foil doesn’t tear.
I`m sorry if I come across as crude, outspoken, and opinionated. That`s only because I am crude, outspoken, and opinionated.
They ordered two extra large pizzas at work. I wonder what everyone else is going to eat.
Pretty sure one of my ex-girlfriends added the, "are you still listening?" feature on Pandora.