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I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
There`s a difference between having a unique name and a common name that`s spelled wrong.
My girlfriend said that I should use the term `make love` instead of `f*ck.` What the make love is she talking about?
My coworker`s inspire me to drink on the job.
That awkward moment when you realize this year is just going to be filled with morons talking about the end of the world the whole time.
I wish more of my handcuff stories involved sex instead of police officers.
Ever wondered why there is a stairway to heaven, and a highway to hell? There´s apparently more traffic going to hell!!
I want to grow my own food but no one makes pizza seeds.
Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
The other day my son asked me who picks up the seeing eye dog`s poop.
There`s no mirrors in this self checkout?!?
Never mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud.
No Shirt No Shoes No Service. What about pants?
I copied and pasted your pic of what you ate...and got MORE "likes" than you did. :P
I`ll admit I`m not perfect but what did the horse I rode in on do?