Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Naps are tricky because you either wake up refreshed and relaxed or you have a headache, dry throat, and are unaware of what year you`re in.
If a guy runs his fingers through your hair, there is a 33.3% chance you are being used as a napkin.
I don`t think I get enough credit for the fact that I do all of this unmedicated.
Of course you don’t think you’re ignorant! That’s the definition of ignorance!
Women have a lot more experience dealing with bloodstains than men. Men are convicted of murder a lot more than women. Coincidence?
Somewhere, right this minute, someone is reading this sentence.
I would eat a lot more salads if they were made out of pizza.
Me? Stalk? No, I just observe... behind a tree... at night…in the rain.
My wife says I talk while I sleep. But I’m skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
I don`t take steroids because I never want to look like I`m capable of helping my friends move.
I`d take a stupid dog over a stupid person any day.
You`re always ahead of schedule when it comes to disappointing me.
I am a gentleman, based on the clubs I go to.
Next on SportsCenter: Where is Tim Tebow watching the Super Bowl and how will that impact the game?
i made a chicken salad the other day. little bastard didn`t even eat it.