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Screw it, I’m starting Friday now.
I hope Mexico doesn`t raise the cost of Tequila to pay for this wall.
The difference between cars and whales is that whales can swim and cars can`t.
Do you ever go on youtube just to watch a music video then 5 hours later you find yourself watching a tutorial on how to talk to a giraffe?
If you have no regrets in life, you clearly have never gone out with me.
A "long story" is just a short story that no one wants to tell.
I`ve never been skydiving, but I`ve zoomed in on Google Earth really, really fast.
Just think of me as the guy next door. With a telescope.
That awkward moment when you’re yelling at someone and you mess up a word.
Actually, when I went to New Orleans, I blacked out too.
The trouble with jogging is, that by the time you realize you`re not in shape, it`s too far to walk back.
I almost forgot to upload a pic of my Starbucks coffee. What a waste of coffee that would have been!
I love facebook because it helps me remember what I did the night before when I blacked out.
The plans I make after work are in direct proportion to how much charge I have left in my phone battery.
I’m pretty sure the whole “ladies first” thing was created by a guy just to check out girls butt’s.