Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My family is missing that gene that tells you when trash cans are full.
I don’t like being told what to do unless I’m naked.
Imagine how freaked out the first human must of been on the first sneeze.
My wife said to me: "If you won the lottery, would you still love me?" I said: "Of course I would. I`d miss you, but I`d still love you."
Every time you have McDonald’s as a kid, it’s a victory. Every time you have it as an adult, it’s a defeat.
Christmas tip: Wrap empty boxes and put them under the tree. Everytime your child acts up, throw one in the fireplace.
I don’t need a reason to do stupid things, just a venue.
Beer doesn’t have that many vitamins in it…that’s why you have to drink a lot.
The police never think its as funny as you do.
"There`s strength in numbers" I whisper to my 9th slice of pizza.
Since 4th of July falls on a Wednesday do we drink the weekend before? the weekend after? That Wednesday? The entire week? The entire month? The entire year?
It`s funny how we all sleep differently. I sleep on my side, my roommate sleeps on his back. My ex sleeps with everybody. That sort of thing.
I`m sorry. Putting up with your sh!t isn`t on my To-Do list today.
The hardest thing about my juice cleanse is trying to juice Snickers
Sometimes I just sit and run my fingers through my lovers hair. It`s a nice way to let them know my love and also that we`re out of napkins.