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Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza
I just researched the medicinal name for Viagra..... MYCOXAPHAYLYN
MISSED CONNECTION: I gave you the Heimlich maneuver on Maine St. You insisted you weren’t choking and put up a good fight.
Shout out to all the kids who could never find their name on souvenir keychains and license plates. That sh!t hurt.
I have a pretty big ass, so when I half ass something you`re still getting something impressive.
I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it!
Showed my daughter an MRE. The package said "Peelable Seal". She said I`m not eating no seal.
Sometimes I think I`m a relatively smart person. Other times I put my shoes on before my pants and realize who I really am.
Women have a lot more experience dealing with bloodstains than men. Men are convicted of murder a lot more than women. Coincidence?
Never believe a person who claims is telling the truth while holding a pack of beers in both their hands
Dear Fruity Pebbles: Calorie content w/out milk is unnecessary. Anyone shoving dry Fruity Pebbles down their throat isn’t counting calories.
Oops, just bought vodka instead of milk again
My daughter asked me why I carry a gun inside the house. I told her I was scared of the CIA. She laughed. I laughed. Amazon Echo laughed.
No thanks, Inspirational guy, but I am only on Facebook for the jokes and the meltdowns.
In life you will meet all sorts of people, happy, moody, shy, loud, weird, and then there`s me So deal with it mmuhaaaaaaaahaaahaaaa that`s right !