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Roses are red Your thong is pink Cover that up You`re not as hot as you think.
Playing Frisbee with a five year old is amazingly similar to just running after a Frisbee.
Life is better when you can share it with a friend that has the same sick, twisted personality as yourself.
I`ll call it a "smart phone" the day I yell, "Where`s my freaking phone?!" and it answers, "I`m here! Under your jacket!"
You can tell yourself that Sesame Street is educational but Cookie Monster has lived there for like 40 years and still can’t conjugate verbs.
My pessimism has never failed me, but I`m sure someday it will.
Home is where you can say anything you want, because nobody listens to you anyway.
Apparently, when asked "In the event of a fire, what steps would you take?" "F**kin` large ones" is not the correct answer.
I do what I want, when I want, where I want. If my wife says it`s okay.
Don`t mistake my middle finger as an offer.
9/10 students agree that someone got lost on the field trip
I’m writing this from the hospital. Don’t worry! The doctors say I’m going to be OK but I must warn you. The Dyson Ball Cleaner has a very misleading name!
"Can`t touch this." ... "Can`t touch this." ... "Can`t touch this."--MC Hammer giving a Museum tour
Join us in calling for a total ban of people. They are extremely dangerous. If you know any people, report them at once to the authorities.
You can tell how old someone is by what part of the chex mix is their favorite.