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Do you ever think that if it weren`t for someone smoking Marijuana they might of killed you already. . .
I support recycling, I wore this shirt yesterday.
If you`re a vegan an atheist and a liberal, how do you choose which way to annoy people at Thanksgiving first?
So when is this `old enough to know better` suppose to kick in ?
I saw something that reminded me of you.. so I flushed the toilet and washed my hands(:
There’s so many people I’d love to get the silent treatment from
I fell asleep at the wheel smh, time to turn Mario Kart off and go to bed.
I have never met a woman without wondering what her box of cookie recipes looks like.
I was going to do a time travelling joke but you guys didn`t like it.
eHarmony should be more like Amazon “customers who slept with Tina172 also slept with LuvinLife_83, TaintMisbehavin, and Cat_Lover03?.
Doctor: How`s your headache? Me: She`s out of town.
Men wear the pants in the relationship but women control the zipper.
I`d stop disappointing you, if you stopped expecting me to do stuff.
You don`t know pissed off until she tells you to go sleep on the couch, and you take all the covers with you.
New diet plan: murder all the skinny people.