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Dear Graduates: Congratulations on making it through the easiest part of your life!
Sorry I wasn’t ignoring you I was just watching 7 seasons and 54 episodes of this new show I found.
if its got tits you will get nothing but trouble !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you sneeze near an atheist, they just say "science appreciates you".
Weekends are like a orgasm.. It`s takes a lot to get there and when u finally do it`s over in no time
I don`t want to set the world on fire........just you.
They should paint the bottom of swimming pools with satellite photos so it feels like you’re flying.
If I owned a pet store Id put a different rat in the turtle cage every night just to see if any of the turtles knew karate the next morning.
College is expensive, BUT your student ID saves $3 at the movies. So really it pays for itself if you go to the theater 30,000 times.
My buddy asked me the other night if he could crash on my couch. I had to explain to him that I`m married now and thats were I sleep...
Some of you need to be driven out to the country and released back into the wild
Confuse your coworkers today by telling them you`re going to the restroom to do a "number 3"
If you didn`t want me looking in your bedroom than you never should have put your window at the same height as my ladder.
Thinks that some of you make impulsive, poor thought out decisions. We should totally hang out more!!!
When you’re a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do. As an adult, you live for them.