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It`s ok if you don`t like my personality,,, I`ve got others.
When my husband gives me shit for taking too long to get ready, I remind him that you never know when you`ll meet the man of your dreams.
Now that Microsoft`s Steve Ballmer has bought the Clippers, I wonder if he will release a new version every few years that we all hate.
Bending over ... preparing to do my taxes.
I`ve been around the block a few times, but then my neighbor realized I was drunk and helped me into my house.
You haven`t truly made it on YouTube until someone recognizes you in the unemployment line and asks for your autograph.
I have a lot on my plate right now. Not busy, just hungry.
If lemons hand you life, you’re probably dyslexic
I always find the "easy-open tab" right after I finally manage to tear the package open with my teeth.
I snuck popcorn into the movie theater but they won’t let me use their microwave.
Is your family tree a cactus? Because everyone on it is a prick.
I`m just 1 nap, 8 beers, 2 orgasms and my own personal robot away from this being the best day ever.
The less you know, the more you think you do.
You know you should goto sleep when the sheep you`re counting start hitting the fence.
I have blank business cards I hand out and call them my “none of your business” cards.