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That horrible feeling you get when you`re not asleep anymore.
I don’t know if I have a stalker, but if I do, could you drop off some milk. Thanks.
Wanna screw with your idiot friends on Facebook? Post that Obama passed a law to stay in office a third term this morning. Praise Jesus.
Whenever I`m sad, you`re there. Whenever I`m having problems, you`re always there. Whenever my life seems out of control, you`re always there. Lets face it. You`re bad luck.
In the spirit of spring cleaning and Easter, I`m keeping the dust bunnies as decorations.
Sorry, but breaking up with you on facebook was the best way of letting all your friends know I`m available.
Be nice to nerds. You`ll probably be working for them one day
Breaking news: Newt saw his shadow. Six more weeks of campaigning and attack ads.
i forgot how to put a status ... can anyone help me ?
Dear Carly Simon, Yes I am so vain that I do think that song is about me.
I Hope I can make it through another season of disagreement over the pronunciation of pecan.
If you go to dinner alone always ask for a table for two. Look sad as you eat and you will almost always get a free dessert
What`s Forrest Gump`s password? 1forest1
My idea of drinking responsibly is using a coaster.
What I lack in vocabulary, I make up for in…you know...stuff...and...things...