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I`m going to stand outside. So, if anyone asks, I`m outstanding.
I don`t always play candy crush. But when I do, I have tourettes like a motherf*cker.
Live each day like you’re marked for deletion.
Apparently "I`ll break your god damn legs" isn`t the problem solving skills that employers are looking for, at least according to HR anyway.
I poured some shampoo over my speakers today and they blew up... So much for EXTRA VOLUME.
The grass is always greener over the septic tank
I wonder what its like to fart in zero gravity. Does it like...propel you forward? These are things people need to know NASA
Just so you know, I am already planning on being an a$$hole tomorrow.
Do feminists look under their beds for the boogie woman?
i wasnt tht drunk u was holding a ballon thinking it was a comdom
Thats it! I want to be re-inserted and I don`t want to remember a darn thing!
Pee your name in the snow and you`ll quickly understand why they should teach cursive in our schools.
If life gives you melons, you may be dyslexic.
When your Dr. says "I`ll need to Google that"..... it`s time to change Doctors
BREAKING NEWS: Will Smith sends Miley Cyrus to live with auntie and uncle in Bel Air.