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What idiot named them jet skis instead of boatercycles?
I`m glad people are exercising but I want to see cooler activities posted on FB. Like "I spent 1 hour wrestling a bear. 110 calories burned."
Blue&Black or White&Gold? Who cares what color the dress is, so long as its balled up on the floor of my bedroom.
I always give waiters a tip, but they never seem to appreciate my advice.
Another tragedy today in the music industry.....Justin Beiber was just found alive in his apartment. :(
I was called a sexist today ... I said, I think you`re mistaken ...its pronounced sexy
Sometimes, when I wake up in the morning, I`ll read 4 or 5 status updates and I`ll cry, because I relieze how dysfunctional some of my friends life`s are. but then I`ll smile when I remember things like the leftover pizza from last night sitting on the coffee table!
Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
The world is full of nice guys who want naughty girls who want bad boys who want nice girls who want nice guys.
Next time you`re in a hospital elevator, calmly ask a stranger if they know what floor you should get off at for infectious diseases.
Current relationship status: Leaving pizza and beer in the bushes, to lure in stalkers.
To Do List: 1: Buy a knife 2: Call it kindness 3: Kill people with Kindness
If you can`t handle me at my worst, then that sucks because that`s all there is to me.
Some days you just can`t get home to your liquor fast enough
If you see me out somewhere and act like you didn`t, you should know that I ignored you first.