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If I don`t make at least one person scream, "WTF" then my day is not done yet.
My doctor said if I wanna drop a few pounds I`d have to stay away from carbs. So I`ve been using this insanely long straw to drink beer
This day needs more tomfoolery!
When does hibernation start? Because I am 100% participating in that.
I just decorated my bedroom to look like my desk at work so I can fall sleep faster.
I have lost my mind and I am making no effort to look for it.
It`s fun to leave a note on the windshield of an expensive car saying sorry I smashed it, but I fixed it so well that you can`t tell.
I was told there would be kool-aid.
The NFL has hired their first female referee ... She will be throwing flags for penalties the teams committed 5 years ago.
I’m not lazy, I’m on energy saving mode.
10% of people genuinely care about your problems. The other 90% are glad that you’ve got them.
If someone says you`re not a mermaid, don`t talk to them. You don`t need that kind of negativity in your life.
Rabbits jump & they live for 8 yrs. Dogs run & they live for 15 yrs. Turtles don`t do anything & they live for 150 years. LESSON LEARNED!
Little known fact: Walt Disney was the inventor of modern day text talk "M - I - C... C u real soon... K - E - Y... Y? Because we like u"
If you really can make $10,000 a month working from home why would anyone take the harder job of nailing those signs to trees?