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Just got a message that said "Hey, I tried to call you"...that`s your problem right there....you should have never tried that.
Seems like everyone is either trying to pretend they have the life they want, or escape the life they have.
If my "friends" post just two more scripture quotes on Facebook, I will have officially read the entire bible.
Someone outside the grocery store asked me if I had a few seconds to save the environment. I feel like it would take longer than that...
I`m not an asshole, I`m just the only one who has the balls to say what everyone else is thinking.
It will be light. It will be dark. It will be light. It will be dark. It will be light. Then I`m back. Me, explaining a vacation to my cat.
I hate when people see me at the store and are like "Hey, what are you doing?" I`m like "Oh you know, hunting elephants."
When in darkness, pray. If you pray and nothing happens, I think it is the high time you paid your electricity bill.
The fact that Pitbul is even considered a musician is more disgusting than the fact that toothpaste was invented years after french kissing was.
I like to say, "Well, enough with the small talk" before anyone has a chance to speak.
If it wasn’t for profanity, I wouldn’t be a pro at anything.
boss: why are you peeing on the floor? mikeski: i already filled up your coffee cup.
I always put in a full eight hours at work. Spread out over the course of the week.
Still waiting on the "Once you go black, you`ll never go back" episode of Mythbusters.
Sometimes I have to go outside to get signal on my phone for Facebook so yes, you could describe me as "outdoorsy."