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For those who do not know what ADHD can do to a person, let me expla.....oooh look i got a text message.
My teen thought it`d be funny to post as me on Facebook. I laughed and laughed and changed the wi-fi password. Good times!
I like when videogames limit how many things you can hold. "You have 100 items in an invisible bag. Carrying another would be unrealistic"
Being skinny might be nice, but having pizza is nicer.
Searching Netflix is almost more of an activity than watching a movie on Netflix.
I don`t understand fat homeless people. What are you eating? Broken hopes and dreams?
I`m as bored as a guy with no arms looking at porn.
When people ask for my advice, I advise them not to take my advice. That really screws them up.
I could write an entire book on excuses,,, but I have to pick my grandma up at the airport.
You know those adorable idiosyncrasies you loved about your spouse when first dating? Well, after 10 years of marriage they become what the police refer to as "motive".
Every time I lose some weight, I find it again in the refrigerator.
A good way to break up with a girl gently, is to curtsy when you`re meeting her father instead of shaking his hand.
You know it was a good sh!t when you come back and your screensaver is on.
Isn`t it weird that a vacuum cleaner isn`t something that is used to clean vacuums?
I remembered my wedding anniversary today. It was last week.