Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
A woman is quick to reject a man that lives with his mother, but will accept a man that lives with his wife.
The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you dont have to mow it.
I just got kicked out of the Zoo! How was I supposed to know that real hippos don`t actually eat marbles?
My car said "low on fuel"..I replied "low on cash"..I`m still waiting for a reply..
Gimmie a P. Gimmie an R. Gimmie an O. Gimmie a C. Gimmie an R. Gimmie an A. Gimmie an S. Gimmie a....oh, nevermind. I`ll finish this later.
My friend told me he wants to be a secret agent. Based on that alone, I don`t think he`d be a good secret agent.
Ever have to poop and your abdominals start to relax just as you near the toilet, and then you notice that `Out of Order` sign or the empty toilet paper dispenser?
People who say, “Happy New Year” to you on the 4th of January are not really your friends.
Well that’s a wrap on another day where I act like I know what I’m doing
What is Warm, Soft, Sticky and has a Hole in the middle? It`s a Fresh donut. I was way off on that one!
Anybody else have those FB friends that set up a FB account 4 years ago and posted once or twice and hasn`t been back on since? And you wonder how they can exist without a Life?
The problem in general terms is that people suck.
I always wear a wedding ring when I go grocery shopping, so everyone thinks my cart full of groceries are for a family of 4 instead of just me
Laughing is the best medicine. But if you’re laughing for no reason, you need medicine.
The toughest part of a lesbian relationship is deciding who gets to be the one who`s always right.