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Ambulance is spelled backwards on the front so when you look in your rearview mirror you don`t confuse it with the other giant siren cubes.
Wisdom is understanding that a tomato is a fruit, but you don`t add it in a fruit salad.
I just want one spam email that`s like, "Congratulations! You have a perfect-sized p*nis."
If you use the word "gay" to desrcribe something that is "merry or happy" then you`re gay.
Why aren`t they called A$$teroids instead of hemorrhoids???
Are the unmarried employees at Kraft known as Kraft singles?
I am finally old enough to realize my father was right, but now my kids think I am wrong.
Facebook made billions by saying “Hey, remember that kid you haven’t seen since the third grade? He’s a parent who hates Obama now.”
In reference to why men can sleep with lots a women and it’s fine, but women can’t sleep with lots of men or else they’re whores. “If a key opens a lot of locks, it’s a master key. But if a lock is opened by a lot of different keys, it’s just a sh!tty lock.”
Do you ever wish that you could just unmeet someone.
I just sent out my daily text to a random number saying "I hit Zack with my truck. I`m going to need to use your hacksaw to cut him up.
I repaired my blow up doll with superglue.....that was an awkward trip to the emergency room (<>..<>)
Emails from your boss assigning you work do not qualify as cyber bullying. I checked.
You wanna know where I`m ticklish? Hawaii.
Her: Do you want to run away with me? ME: We won`t actually be running, right?