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Girl: What color are my eyes? Guy: 34C
only fights if pillows are present.
I’m tired of things costing money.
There are no problems which cannot be solved through suitable application of high explosives.
If you ever want to know what you look like to the world, don’t look in a mirror, have a child draw you.
I am finally old enough to realize my father was right, but now my kids think I am wrong.
That awkward moment when Adele finds someone like me
When will math grow up and start solving its own problems
My friend said "hey that girl has a nice butt" I said "yes i bet she can sit down excellently "
A man who scratches his butt should not bite fingernails!
How come people who think they know everything never seem to know when to shut up?
The one thing you can always count on is your fingers.
Time to try some of this candy from the Easter "bunny"... Can`t trust anything you find laying in the yard these days.
Don`t take nude pics. Problem solved.
A roman walks into a bar. He holds up two fingers and says "Five beers please."