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Maybe teenagers just aren`t strong enough yet to remove the sticker from their hat
My wife is pissed at me again. Apparently I`m breathing wrong.
I`m surrounded by sex addicts & alcoholics...So glad I found you all.
I`ll be thankful when this thankful month is over.
After watching copious amounts of crime dramas I`ve come to the conclusion that serial killers only target women who wear matching bra and pantie sets. Feeling much safer now.
Get at least eight hours of beauty sleep, 9 if you`re ugly.
Mondays aren`t so bad... it`s my job that sucks.
Everybody stop what you`re doing and play with crayons! You`re wlecome, enjoy the day.
Humans claim to be the superior species, but a penguin can use its own body as a toboggan so who`s the real winner?
I add "Drink Beer" to my weekend to-do list so I know I`ll at least get one thing done.
My house is not messy. Those are just obstacles I`ve put in place for burglars.
There’s no worse feeling than realizing your wife has fallen asleep & you’ve spent the last 20 minutes watching Real Housewives by yourself.
Do strippers have nightmares where they are in front of a large crowd with their clothes on?
This girl is ignoring me like a check engine light.
Don`t you wish it was as easy to adjust the brightness level on people as it is on your phone?