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Coffee has given me unrealistic expectations of productivity.
You gotta push yourself. Do 15 push-ups instead of 10. Run 3 miles instead of 2. Eat an entire cake instead of just one piece. Burn your ex`s house down. I believe in you!
If you allow your pets to roam free in our neighborhood, I’m gonna put party hats on em. This is non-negotiable.
And yet another year goes by with People magazine failing to recognize my beauty.
If the waitress in the One Bell Pub is reading this can we please have our pudding now, cheers
Here`s a joke for all you mind readers...
IMPORTANT REMINDER: Sunday is Mother`s Day, which means Facebook is gonna be annoying as crap...
To all those that now have a DUI, domestic violence charge or one less finger... Happy 5th of July
Be careful on how tough you are on your kids....Strict parents create sneaky children.
Frankly auto correct,I`m getting tired of your shirt.
Dear God, I´ve been very good today, no grumpy thoughts, no swearing and I haven´t been mean at all, but I´m about to get up now and I may need your help :)
An egg salad is really just a chicken salad that is really underdone.
I always put in a full eight hours at work. Spread out over the course of the week.
I´m thankful for Facebook. Before, I would just scream out my thoughts to anyone who would listen.
It`s spooky how many kids look like their owners.