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I`m amazed at how much better my life has been since the iOS 7 update. I bet it would be even better if I owned an iPhone.
You`re the reason I wake up every morning... Just kidding, I have to goto work.
Opposites attract, that’s the trouble with being awesome.
I`m not Unemployed, I`m just taking my next job`s vacation in advance...
I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile. Then walk into a pole.
A good man can make you feel sexy, strong, and able to take on the world ...Oh sorry ...That`s wine ...Wine does that.
This prefessor`s nuts. He keeps saying pie is square. I know better, pies are round, cakes are square!
Women aren’t that complicated. They just want an honest and genuine guy who will give them insincere compliments they might not deserve.
Good news I passed my drug test today. But now my drug dealer has some explaining to do.
I`ve never said "in all seriousness" and actually meant it.
Safe words are for quitters.
Rock bottom is when you get dinner at the same place you buy your gas.
Day 1-365: I am thankful for Veterans.
Hey whiny kids with iPhones: when I was your age, I played with a stick.
If you cannot FACE your problem, then the problem is your FACE.