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I`m here to pick you up when you fall. Whether I tripped you is another thing...
It takes a lot of courage for a man to admit his wife is wrong...
Mall kiosk employees are basically human pop up ads.
I found out that middle age is were you finally get your head together and then your body starts falling apart
I`m leaving my body to science because even scientists need a good laugh now and then.
If you’re happy and you know it, you’re probably exhausting to be around.
You can make up any word you want in conversation and if you use it in a dilsationary way, people rarely question the meaning.
So can we just skip to summer now?
In Starbucks a customer went sh*t house rat crazy when they got a double shot of espresso instead of the triple shot they ordered ... I`m fine now.
You move into my house, delete all my porn, decorate every wall with rooster pictures, talk incessantly, leave hair everywhere and are too tired for sex?? Sounds great, let`s do it!!
Guys, freedom of speech doesn`t mean you can spell things any way you want to.
So Apple is gonna buy Beats by Dr. Dre... I guess "an apple a day keeps the doctor away" doesn`t apply to technology?
Why are there no owls here? I Was lead to believe there would by owls here. #hooters
Just tore the tag off my mattress and there’s nothing the feds can do about it. MUAHAHAHAHA!!!
You know what I just realized that in school they teach you not to do what you don`t want to do yet they still give us homework and we get in trouble because we didn`t want to do it ( confused )