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Between Criminal Minds, CSI, Law and Order, Castle, and Monk...I am now fairly confident I can get away with pretty much anything.
If you got up this morning and ran straight to fb i am 100% POSITIVE its because you missed me.
Is it a firm rule that you have to be an addict to check into rehab? Because that one in Malibu looks pretty nice.
That moment when you offer somebody a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she`s not your friend anymore
Shouldn`t there have been one scene in The Karate Kid where Daniel`s mom was like "Why are you constantly in that old man`s shed?"
Every time you get dressed remember that, if you die, that`s your ghost outfit forever.
I hate when I go to pump gas only to find out that the little metal "handle hold up thingy" is broken, so I have actually squeeze and hold the handle. I hate it for two reasons: 1) its gross and i just wanna peel my hand skin off like gloves when im done. 2) it makes me realize how lazy I am.
Bored? Find group photo of 4 women. Comment "You 3 look incredible!!"
This morning, I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator. I was staring at her boobs when she said, “Would you please press 1?” So I did. I don’t remember much afterwards.
I`m so broke right now that if someone tried to rob me, they`d just be practising..
I`d like to give a shoutout to all the people who are going through an identity crisis, you know who you are... I think.
"When I grow up, I want to marry a man addicted to video games" ~ No woman ever.
Living out of your car isn`t so bad if you keep telling yourself you`re "on tour"
If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, nobody else wanted them either :)
I hate to rub it in, but lotion doesn`t really work otherwise.