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With everything going on lately... I`ve got a lot of serious thinking to do! Oops....Did I say "Thinking".... I meant "Drinking"!!
Valentines Day is the only day of the year that the guy with the smallest package gets the girl.
Happy Labor Day to someone who barely labored this year.
Sometimes to much to drink is never enough
I wonder how many people`s phones out there have my name saved in contacts as "DO NOT ANSWER"
You haven`t really made it until people start using your name as a verb.
I always give waiters a tip, but they never seem to appreciate my advice.
Don`t worry, some people are their own punishment in life.
My mom just sent me a friend request on Facebook! Finally I can use that "I`m not your friend I`m your mother" speech to my advantage.
When in doubt, procrastinate.
Two can play that game...` -people who dont understand that`s how games usually work
Mister Rogers didn`t adequately prepare me for the people in my neighborhood.
The grass is always greener where the bodies are buried.
"This is groundbreaking stuff." - Inventor of the shovel
I`ve often wondered: Who the heck is Pete, and why do we do things for his sake?