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Is it rude to throw breath mints in someones mouth while they`re talking?
It may look like I`m doing nothing, but I`m actively waiting for my problems to go away.
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.
I slept on my neck funny and today I will be turning my whole body like Batman every time I have to look at something.
The only instant messaging I enjoy is with my middle finger.
I hear voices ... and they don`t like you.
This hangover feels like... I should take a shot.
"It`s not you, it`s me." -Twins looking at some family photos
Remember waffles are just pancakes ribbed for your pleasure
wants to rock and roll all night
My name is Fred and I`m a survivor. If you are out there..if anyone is out there. I can provide food/shelter..Anybody please....U are not alone....
Time to get Star Spangled hammered. Happy 4th you crazy Americans.
Efficiency: skip your morning, wake up in the afternoon.
My girlfriend is gorgeous, selfless, graceful, highly intelligent and looking over my shoulder as I type.
My kid threatened to hold her breath until I gave her dessert. She`s now passed out on the kitchen floor. I don`t negotiate with terrorists!!