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Married sext: I’m not wearing any underwear, because you never put the f*cking laundry in the dryer like I asked you to 100 times.
Here`s an idea...You go away and I`ll stop ignoring you.
9 out of 10 husbands agree that their wives are always right. The 10th one hasn`t been seen since the study was conducted.
I was offering free mammograms in the company parking lot long before my employer was doing it ... just sayin
On the subject of sex, my parents told me `the man goes on top, and the woman underneath.` No wonder I got divorced. For 3 years my ex-wife and I slept in bunk beds.
I put my phone on Airplane Mode and now I can`t find it...
Personality is 40% genetics, 40% upbringing, and 20% the last movie you watched.
When I`m older, I`m going to buy one of those Volkswagen Bugs. Only because I have a excuse to hit my wife every time we go somewhere.
Thanksgiving advice: Sit at the kids table for as many years as possible.
This Tequila tastes like an afternoon of fun and bad decisions.
The problem with the girl of my dreams is that she’s never around when I’m awake.
Tried cleaning the house to the A-Team theme and ended up building a tank. So close.
I hate spelling errors so much. You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined....
The sooner one of you ladies takes ‘one for the team’ and becomes my girlfriend, they sooner I leave the REST of you alone!
I’m trying to read a book about how to relax, but I keep falling asleep