Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
What if Egyptians actually had a written language, then started using emojis, and that’s all that’s left?
Of course it`s you. If it was me I wouldn`t even bring it up.
My therapist told me today that I need to stop talking to inanimate objects, but I mean he`s just a lamp so what does he really know anyway
I find it most unfair that the dentist in this neighborhood hands out toothbrushes for Halloween but the pharmacist doesn`t hand out drugs.
Traffic jams are more tolerable if you just think of them as really boring parades.
We`re sorry to announce that due to budget cuts the beloved carol "Silver Bells" will be replaced with the more cost effective carol "Aluminium Bells".
Can’t wait till I’m old and I can play the ‘fall asleep’ card in awkward situations.
Don`t get excited girls. That bulge in my pants is just emergency Oreos.
Please, please don`t be a bitch to me. Because then I`ll have to be a bitch back and I can do it better than you.
"I knew that..." -Me, after every Jeopardy question.
I once wrestled an anaconda for 4 straight hours... Then I realized I was just masturbating.
Sometimes, the light at the end of the tunnel is just a lost guy with a flashlight.
Every time I lose some weight, I find it again in the refrigerator.
Adam didn`t take any crap from Eve. He wore the plants in that relationship
Conversation between Adam and Eve must have been difficult at times because they had nobody to talk about.