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You say `pervert with a telescope` ... I say `biological astronomer`.
Not to cause a panic but i`m starting to think we`re running out of things to stuff inside pizza crust.
I think it`s safe to assume that people buying stock in twitter have never actually been on twitter.
She walked in & she had legs, legs that went on for days. Who knows where they went? They just kept wenting. - Why my mystery novel failed
Some idiots actually sold their homes and properties thinking the world was really going to end! What losers. I hope my boss gives me my job back on Monday
"Let the chips fall where they may." -My kids when they`re eating chips on the couch.
m for Monday t for Tuesday wtf Wednesday Thursday Friday get it wtf
If you think someone is staring at you: 1. Yawn 2. If they yawn, they were staring.
Bowling is my favorite sport because you don`t have to run and there`s beer five feet away.
The only sit up I do is the one I use to get out of bed.
As My Wife walked by, she said, "NICE PORN STASH!" which got me all excited and I preceded to show her where I hide the really raunch stuff. She then clarified that she was talking about the ugly hair I`ve been trying to grow above my lip, and now, I have neither... :)
From 8am until 12pm, my job basically pays me to think about what I am going to have for lunch
I`ve started an exercise program. I do 20 sit-ups each morning. That may not sound like a lot, but you can only hit that snooze button so many times.
There are sick days, paid holidays, and vacation days. What about "Don`t have any gas to make it to work days"
To settle an argument, think about why you are wrong and why she has boobs.