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I stick pins and needles in the people I don`t like because can`t afford voodoo dolls.
it`s friday o clock
I`d publish my autobiography but it`s just a bunch of liquor stained pages filled with doodles, and rants about stupid people.
Say goodbye to your girlfriends cause I just bought a book on magic tricks
I laugh in the face of normal.
Roses are red and sometimes they`re thorny, when I think of you, I get really ...............
Why is there a show called "When animals attack"? It should be called "When stupid people go near dangerous animals."
Shouting "Shotgun" will get you the front seat of a car or a heap of cash if you whisper it to a cashier.
Nothing makes me more nervous than getting FB msg saying, “You’ve been tagged in a photo” after a crazy weekend.
Mouth the word " vacuum" to a stranger & see what happens.
I do yoga to relieve stress. Just kidding. I drink wine in yoga pants.
I think I can survive on Mars since they found water for my coffee.
Guys just want a virgin porn star and girls just want a dangerous safe guy.
Dating tip: Men always remember the woman who vomited on them.
Trail Mix: M&Ms with obstacles