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I always keep a google search for "how to find anyone, anywhere, and kill them" open on my phone in case anyone steals it.
That awkward moment when you run into someone and there`s no where to hide
I used to be a class act......or clown,as my 7th grade teacher would tell my parents!!
Roses are red vilouts are blue your moms beautiful what happened to you!
Before I lose my phone, end up naked, high, drunk and/or possibly arrested, I would like to wish you all a Happy Friday.
If I could move things by telekinesis I`d squeeze people`s insides and make them fart.
If everyone would stop screaming, I`m sure we`d all agree I`m not supposed to be in this women`s restroom.
I think every Taco Bell value meal should be called a "Number 2".
Whenever I see a happy couple.... smiling, giggling, feeding each other food, whispering sweet nothings, very much in love..... I just wish I could give them a lie-detector test.
It`s been rough today, right now I`m busy trying to lasso the tv remote with my phone charger cord.
There`s a warning light on my dashboard of a vague exclamation point. It`s like when my girlfriend was mad at me and she wouldn`t say why.
When my kid grows up they`re not aloud to date until they`re married.
50% of people believe sex is "the connecting of two people`s souls through two people`s bodies, as one." The other 50% are men.
How can society expect me to be a mature productive member of it I don`t even know if it`s spelled gray or grey
I miss the old days when I could say I wasn`t around and you couldn`t check Facebook or twitter to see if I was lying