Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Instead of calling in sick, call in well. Tell them how great you feel not having to go to work today.
I gauge a person’s wealth by the level of protection on their iPhone. No case, huge salary.
Something I never said as a kid: My book stopped working.
I let a girl go through my phone recently so a colonoscopy really doesn’t scare me anymore.
Finding friends with the same mental disorder as you ... Priceless
Does the 5 second rule apply to soup? Please answer quickly!
There is no evidence that exists that life should be taken seriously.
Question: : What do you get if you add human DNA to a goat? ... Answer: Kicked out of the petting zoo
Calm down shouty museum man. I think it`s pretty obvious that I know how to ride a dinosaur skeleton.
Girl says to her Blonde friend, I slept with a Brazilian man last night. The Blonde replies: OMG you SLUT! How many is a Brazilian??
If by `the Hamptons` you mean `my pajamas`, then yes, I absolutely weekend in the Hamptons
I just changed my WiFi password to "blowmefirst." I can`t wait for someone to ask me for it!
If it`s the thought that counts ... Then I should probably be in jail
Smile. It makes people wonder what you´re up to.
I wish that just once, the clerk would just put the Monopoly money in the drawer and hand me a receipt