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Hey movie villains - make a bomb where the wires are all one color.
Sometimes I`m completely inconsiderate to other peoples feelings. And other times I`m asleep.
As I said before, I never repeat myself.
I gotta ask you a sirius question....do you know the muffen man
I was pretty sure that at this point in my career I would have henchmen by now!
Stretch marks? You mean sick a$$ lightning tattoos.
The best way to grill a chicken is to whack it with a rubber hose before you ask why it crossed the road..
My favorite all time cooking shows: 1. Iron Chef 2. Hell`s Kitchen 3. Breaking bad
I just realized that when I murder someone my neighbors will describe me as "quiet"
I’ve got bad news: Today is not Friday, Tomorrow is not Friday, Even the day after tomorrow is not Friday.
If he uses an iPhone 5 in Taken 3 he`s going to be spending half the movie charging it.
Why do single women take dating advice from other single women? That`s like Stevie Wonder giving driving directions to Ray Charles.
Did a 5k today. Except it was how many calories I had at lunch.
I do everything faster when I have to pee.
I believe that every person has a story to tell...which is why I stay at home.