Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Bologna sandwiches are parents way of saying... it`s my legal obligation to feed you something.
My doctor said if I wanna drop a few pounds I`d have to stay away from carbs. So I`ve been using this insanely long straw to drink beer
If people are what they eat, some people must eat a lot of stupid.
I`m not Unemployed, I`m just taking my next job`s vacation in advance...
Million dollar idea: Alarm clock that releases spiders... NOW you`re up.
Shouldn`t there have been one scene in The Karate Kid where Daniel`s mom was like "Why are you constantly in that old man`s shed?"
If you´re a millionaire and you don´t have trampoline floors or a giant slide that goes from your bed to an olympic sized indoor pool, then you should just give me all of your money because you´re wasting it.
The problem is I have just enough money to get into trouble but not enough to make bail.
is trying to decide ... laundry today or naked tomorrow
You know you`re married when you find her sexier with clothes on.
If Jimmy cracked corn and no one cares, then why the heck is there a song about it?
Can anyone tell me how to become a illegal immigrant, their benefits are undeniably more superior to our own.
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and then six months later you have to do it all over again.
My dream job would be the Karma delivery service.
*calling pizza place* "Hello?" Your pizza tastes like cardboard "Are you sure you`re not eating the box again?" *long pause* *click*