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10 REASONS WHY I`M LAZY... you know what? Never mind. I can do this later.
Why do they always have 5K runs for charity? Just once, couldn’t they have a sit for charity or nap for charity?
Every woman in this world is beautiful...........except for the ugly ones!
Nothing says you`re ugly like Facebook asking, "are you sure you want to make this your profile picture ?"
The earth moves 1.6 million miles per day. So no I didn`t just "lay in bed and watch TV all day" I traveled very far thank u
I really think that Caller ID needs to be more detailed. It should say things like "Wants help moving" or "Will whine about bad relationship."
Apparently you have to go to the gym more than once to get in shape, what the heck.
Next time one of your friends leave their Facebook open, randomly pick one of their friends and like all 973 of their photos.
It isn’t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married, right?
I did a half hour on the treadmill each day last week. This week, I`m up to 1 hour a day. I`m slowly building up to actually turning it on some time in the future.
You can´t trust dogs to watch your food.
"Does this dress make me look fat?"-- Now, what I SHOULD have said was, "No, dear! You are little black dress approved!" but what came out was, "When did your bum move to the front?"
I don`t have a drinking problem ... I`m just really thirsty.
It’s too bad that it’s easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
"Someday, your phone will cost more than your computer" - said no one ever.