Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I think on December 21 all the power companies should shut off the power for like 10 minutes just to make people flip out.
I tend to avoid things that make me look fat. You know like scales, mirrors and photographs
Some things get in the way of my happiness, so I ignore them.
My favorite hobbies are practical jokes and masturbation. I’m always trying to pull a fast one
I finally got some "me time" being away from the kids. Two whole hours. Would have gotten more, but my knees started getting numb from crouching behind the dryer.
I like my women how I like my straws …. Bendy and full of liquor.
Agreeing to disagree is lame. Let’s agree to take turns slapping each other until one of us admits we were wrong.
I`ve been hiding from exercise ... I`m in the fitness protection program.
I guess I need to buy some new drink coasters because I finally ran out of AOL free trial CDs.
Slowly, Waldo`s wife and Mr. Sandiego started putting the pieces together
My wife asked me what new hairstyle she should get, so I held my breath until I passed out.
I don`t know exactly who`s health I`m drinking to, but they`re going to be immortal at this rate
The best part of an argument is the make up sex...unless you`re fighting with your brother.
You know it`s cold outside... when you step on dog poop and roll your ankle
I always put a little umbrella in my drink so it doesn`t dilute in the shower.