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To be honest, I panic a bit right before I have to pronounce Worcestershire sauce.
RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if I’m right
My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. I’m flattered.
Actions speak louder than words when you smack someone in the back of the head with a shovel
I`m now at the age where if I see a nice nursing home, I make a mental note of it.
Care less and you’ll stress less.
Last night I went out drinking with some high school friends. About 2 hours into it they were like..."dude, shouldn`t you be hanging out with people your own age?"
My secret fantasy is to have two women at the same time, one cooking and one cleaning.
Your shadow is a confirmation that light has traveled nearly 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the final few feet thanks to you
I`ll just admire you from afar.. Or 500ft. That`s what this paper says.
Just because someone`s richer or more famous or talented doesn`t mean they`re happy. It just means they`re happier than YOU.
I’m not a vegetarian but I eat animals who are.
Fact: Pornos aren`t based on actual events.
I hate laundry, dishes, sweeping, mopping, dusting, fixing and fetching. The only logical conclusion is that I am descended from royalty.
I didn`t come here to make friends. I go to the cat shelter for that.